It's Only a Number, Right?

 

Not so very long ago, a customer came into the medical equipment store where I work and ordered a custom fitted back brace. My co-worker, Suzanne, took her measurements and ordered said brace; only to discover that it was on back-order indefinitely. The customer came back to the store and selected another brace from the catalog and after she left Suzanne went to order it and gasped aloud, "Oh no! I need her waist measurement for this one... I only have her hip measurement." To which I glibly replied, "So call her up. She'll know her waist measurement." Following that stupid statement there was a stunned silence and Suzanne murmured, "I don't know my waist measurement, because I don't want to know it." And I suddenly realized that I was in complete agreement. I didn't know my waist measurement either for the same reason.

Suzanne tried to call the customer and got her voice mail. When the customer called back, Suzanne was tied up so I fielded the call. I tried to explain to the customer that we needed her waist measurement and she frostily replied "Large!" I calmly continued my questioning, "Then your waist measures between 30 and 35 inches?" "YES, YES, YES!!" she shouted at me. "Suzanne took all my measurements, didn't she save them?!?" Geez, lady, I was thinking,  why so testy?

That's when I suddenly understood the mystery behind women's clothing sizes.Think about it. Does it make any sense? You go into a clothing store and you buy something arbitrarily sized anywhere between 0 and 16 or higher. But what does it mean?

A man goes into a clothing store and he tells the clerk his waist size and inseam length and voila! He gets a pair of pants that fit him perfectly. Men's clothing sizes are based on real numbers. A woman wouldn't reveal her waist size to anyone. I'd rather tell a complete stranger my age than give them my waist measurement. So what are women's clothes sizes based on? And why is a size 10 in one designer's line of clothing not necessarily the same as a size 10 in another line? In fact, the more expensive the designer, the smaller the size you will probably wear. Isn't that a neat marketing trick? And why is it that I weigh 20 pounds more than I did as a teenager, but my current clothing size is two sizes smaller? Where's the logic in any of it? And I feel sorry for any man who tries to buy clothes for his wife or girlfriend.

Well, it's because women can't face the truth. We are in complete denial about our measurements. So someone, somewhere came up with a system where we can talk about our size without revealing too much information. And as women have become larger, the clothing industry has restructured the sizing system so that we can all feel smaller again; another neat trick!  Mystery solved.

That night, after the incident with the back brace customer, I was getting ready for bed and my eyes drifted to the drawer where I knew my measuring tape was kept. I took a deep breath and quietly withdrew that instrument of torture out of the drawer and took my waist measurement...All I'm saying is, I'm 53 years old!

Mysteries of Spring

No matter how old I get, I don't think I'll ever tire of watching the seasons change. I think almost everyone can say the same thing. 

I particularly love watching the change in seasons in the wild; especially in the dunes and the marshes. I love that you can count on it; year after year. And I love the fact that the more mankind learns about the cycle of life, the more we are left with questions unanswered. We weren't meant to know that answer to everything and I find life more beautiful for its mysteries.







The beach plums were in full bloom as I walked through the dunes early this morning. The site was breathtaking and I wanted to share it.

I hope your spring is beautiful and mysterious wherever you are.

Tornado Week?

The Weather Channel has proclaimed this to be Tornado Week. Really!?! Are we celebrating tornadoes now?

I don't know about you, but as a child tornadoes were the monster in my closet (that and the man in the moon) and they played a huge role in my recurring nightmares.

Please pardon me if I skip the festivities this week.

Where Am I?

Some of my family members and I participate in location sharing with Google Latitude. I think it's a rather fun application and it makes it very interesting to follow family members when they're traveling. Sometimes though, as with all technology, blips occur. I don't know how many times I've been tempted to call my son and ask if he threw his wife off a bridge or if she just decided to jump because according to Latitude, she got out of the car at the river and he kept going. (Of course that's not what happened in real life.)

And even now, according to Latitude, which I keep on my Google homepage, I'm not at home in my office typing this. Nope. I'm 80 miles away from home doing only God knows what. And funnily enough, this happens almost every morning. My location is transmitted from my phone and my phone is in my pocket, so how is it my transmitted location is off by 80 miles?

So my question for the universe today is this: do our cell phones have virtual souls that participate in astral projection? And if so, why doesn't mine have a better imagination?

Road Trip

I love road trips. I love to drive. Of course the current price of gas keeps my road trips to a minimum, but I look forward to just about any excuse I can get to get in the car and drive somewhere.

Yesterday, I traveled 220 miles with my husband to help the grandkids celebrate their birthdays. The route we took was a familiar one. And as many times as I've made the trip I'm always bemused by the "Low Flying Aircraft" sign which we see along the way. Just what is it I'm supposed to do with this information? How do I react to this cautionary? Am I supposed to duck? If I see a low flying aircraft am I supposed to change lanes or maybe swerve to miss it? I'm puzzled, I'm confused. Why are they telling me this?


And who hasn't seen this falling rocks sign from time to time on their travels? Once again; how am I supposed to react? Am I supposed to drive along looking up at the cliffs searching for these rocks so I can swerve if they fall? Am I supposed to speed up and drive really fast so if there are falling rocks they don't hit me?

I have another theory. You've heard that expression when someone dies suddenly from something catastrophic and people say, "They never knew what hit them." I think that these signs have been erected so that if a low flying airplane or a falling rock smashes your car and kills you, you'll at least have an idea of what it was that caused your death. You will have been forwarned what it was that hit you and you won't die clueless. I think that that's what these signs are all about.

Ouch!

I was getting dressed the other morning when suddenly I felt a small but very sharp pain in my derriere. Ouch!

I removed the last item of clothing I had put on to discover the item pictured here. It is a little piece of very fine gauge wire and it had become caught in my Cabela's 100% silk long underwear.

I realize that the average person would have just thrown away the offending item, finished getting dressed and gone on about their day... but not me.

I was most perplexed. How in the world did such a thing get caught up in my long johns in the first place? I mean, really, for the most part my underwear only goes where I go and to the best of my knowledge I had not been anywhere to pick up such an object.

It brought to mind that vintage cartoon where the shopkeeper closes up for the night and after he leaves, all the inanimate objects in the store come to life and spend the night partying. It made me wonder if my clothes go out for a romp after I fall asleep at night. After all, my clothes don't sleep in the same room as I do, so they could easily sneak away without me knowing it. And if my long johns are getting into this kind of trouble, God only knows what my bras are up to. So until this little mystery is solved, I guess all my clothes are under suspicion and can't be trusted.

Gas Prices

Is it just me? Am I the only one who's frustrated by the endless fluctuation of gas prices?

I used to live in a rural environment and found myself having to fill my tank at least once a week, if not more, whether I wanted to or not. Now that I'm living in a more urban setting I can go longer before I have to fill up and I notice that I'm almost obsessed with the price of gasoline. One day I'll notice that the price has dropped a penny or two and I'll look at my fuel gauge and notice that I have a half a tank. So I ask myself, hmmm, should I fill up now or wait a couple days and see if it goes lower? But, what if this is the lowest it gets and I miss this great opportunity? Like most women, I put off filling the tank until I absolutely have to so I just end up taking my chances on the price.

However, a couple of weeks ago I was really getting low and I was on my way to the state park to take my dog for a walk. It's only 4 miles away and I contemplated filling up on the way there or waiting until the return trip. It would have been more convenient to wait because the station would be on the right hand side of the road coming home, but I know how tired I am after my exuberant young Lab has drug me around the sand dunes for 2 and a half miles, so I filled up on the way there. Don't you know, an hour later on the way home, the gas price was posted at 2 cents less!!!! I felt so cheated! I know, I know, we're only talking about 30 cents here, but it's the principle!

On the flip side, two months ago I was driving south to visit my family in Georgia and was looking for a gas station with reasonable prices and I pulled into a Pilot station as they had the best price that I'd seen. I filled up, pulled out again and happened to glance back up at the price sign and couldn't believe my eyes. While I had been filling up, the price had gone up 2 cents. I quickly grabbed my receipt out of my wallet for a second look and was relieved to see that I had been charged at the lower price.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a participant in a surreal reality game show and I can only win by buying gas at the best price within a 72 hour time period. When did gas prices start changing so rapidly? Was it with the advent of the digital price signs? Did the price of gas change less rapidly when someone had to physically go out to the sign and change the prices by hand? Now someone can just sit inside the store and push a button. No big deal.

And what if this rapid price changing trend catches on with other commodities? Will we see digital marquees in front of our supermarkets reflecting an hourly change in the price of sugar and coffee? Don't laugh, I'm afraid it could happen.