It's Only a Number, Right?

 

Not so very long ago, a customer came into the medical equipment store where I work and ordered a custom fitted back brace. My co-worker, Suzanne, took her measurements and ordered said brace; only to discover that it was on back-order indefinitely. The customer came back to the store and selected another brace from the catalog and after she left Suzanne went to order it and gasped aloud, "Oh no! I need her waist measurement for this one... I only have her hip measurement." To which I glibly replied, "So call her up. She'll know her waist measurement." Following that stupid statement there was a stunned silence and Suzanne murmured, "I don't know my waist measurement, because I don't want to know it." And I suddenly realized that I was in complete agreement. I didn't know my waist measurement either for the same reason.

Suzanne tried to call the customer and got her voice mail. When the customer called back, Suzanne was tied up so I fielded the call. I tried to explain to the customer that we needed her waist measurement and she frostily replied "Large!" I calmly continued my questioning, "Then your waist measures between 30 and 35 inches?" "YES, YES, YES!!" she shouted at me. "Suzanne took all my measurements, didn't she save them?!?" Geez, lady, I was thinking,  why so testy?

That's when I suddenly understood the mystery behind women's clothing sizes.Think about it. Does it make any sense? You go into a clothing store and you buy something arbitrarily sized anywhere between 0 and 16 or higher. But what does it mean?

A man goes into a clothing store and he tells the clerk his waist size and inseam length and voila! He gets a pair of pants that fit him perfectly. Men's clothing sizes are based on real numbers. A woman wouldn't reveal her waist size to anyone. I'd rather tell a complete stranger my age than give them my waist measurement. So what are women's clothes sizes based on? And why is a size 10 in one designer's line of clothing not necessarily the same as a size 10 in another line? In fact, the more expensive the designer, the smaller the size you will probably wear. Isn't that a neat marketing trick? And why is it that I weigh 20 pounds more than I did as a teenager, but my current clothing size is two sizes smaller? Where's the logic in any of it? And I feel sorry for any man who tries to buy clothes for his wife or girlfriend.

Well, it's because women can't face the truth. We are in complete denial about our measurements. So someone, somewhere came up with a system where we can talk about our size without revealing too much information. And as women have become larger, the clothing industry has restructured the sizing system so that we can all feel smaller again; another neat trick!  Mystery solved.

That night, after the incident with the back brace customer, I was getting ready for bed and my eyes drifted to the drawer where I knew my measuring tape was kept. I took a deep breath and quietly withdrew that instrument of torture out of the drawer and took my waist measurement...All I'm saying is, I'm 53 years old!